Reason number 1764 why the Quagmire Bibliophile needs to get out of Selfimportantville - An Anecdote

A few weeks ago, I decided I wanted to make some bread, and made a note to pick up some yeast. Shortly thereafter, I happened to be in Suburb W*, so I stopped at Grocery Pit*. I don't often shop there because of the dreadful produce, but I've always found them to be fine for anything nonperishable.

Anyhow, I went inside to look for yeast. Whenever I've bought yeast in the past, it's always been shelved with the other baking supplies, somewhere near the flour, and I always thought this to be reasonable, since the ordinary person has no purpose whatever for yeast except to use it for baking bread. So I went to the baking supplies aisle. I walked up and down several times, but couldn't find any yeast. No jars, no little paper packets, no nothing.

As I was searching, I noticed that I had some company. There was an elderly gentleman hovering around the cake decorations, and a middle aged woman scanning the upper shelves. We all noticed each other, and eventually the man asked, "Do you see any maraschino cherries?" (Note: Selfimortantvillains categorically don't talk to strangers in public except on point of death. So when something like this happens, you know the situation is truly desperate.) We looked around, and told him that no, we didn't. Then the woman said, "I'm looking for evaporated milk - that should be here, shouldn't it?" We agreed that yes, it probably should, and that no, it apparently wasn't. "Yeast," I said, "do you see any yeast?" "Like for bread? It should be with the flour." "That's what I thought."

We all continued to glance about abstractly, until an unsuspecting Grocery Pit employee wandered through. Woman asked, "Excuse me, where do you keep the evaporated milk?" "Oh, Aisle 6, this end, near the coffee creamer." Well, alright, it doesn't sound terribly appetizing to me, but I guess I can see it. It had to be either that or the canned pumpkin.

Man said, "I'm looking for maraschino cherries." "Oh, they're with the ethnic foods, near the canned tomatoes, top shelf." Two questions: (1) Are we shelving foods by color now? and (2) To what ethnicity do maraschino cherries belong, exactly?

Finally, I asked, "Where do you keep the baking yeast?" "The little packets? That's in the refrigerated section. It should be near the Boca Burgers."

Boca Burgers???

And, indeed, the little packets of yeast were neatly stashed in a box, mounted between the Boca Burgers and the disposable turkey roasting pans (?).

Thus ends another episode in the Kafka-emulating Adventures in Selfimportantville.
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*Names changed to defend Del P.'s delicate nerves against chronic paranoia.